School’s Out – Now What?
Dealing with the ‘Summer Scaries’, Loneliness, and Isolation
By: Gretchen O’Brien and Haley Hastings
Schools out for summah! The lazy days from now through August are ‘supposed’ to feel like, well, a day at the beach. But for many kids and teens, the season can actually be emotionally difficult, causing anxiety and depression. Summertime loneliness, summer Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and even a form of seasonal anxiety in parents, dubbed the ‘Summer Scaries’, and rooted in their concerns about their kids during the summer vacation, can cause real stress to families.
At Marblehead Counseling Center (MCC), families who are concerned about their kids’ mental health year-round often find the summer months a unique challenge. In a recent survey of 1,000 parents by the Kids Mental Health Foundation, one in ten parents was more concerned about their children’s mental health in the summer than other times of the year. Without the structure of a daily school schedule and regular social connection to classmates in the classroom and on the playground, many kids experience feelings of invisibility, loneliness and isolation. The casual way many kids connect with others in afterschool activities or hanging out at the playground during school pickup disappears. Shy or introverted kids may find it hard to reach out to schedule summer playdates, and kids with mental health issues may become dysregulated or withdrawn without a dependable daily framework. It also doesn’t help that social media can make it feel that ‘everyone else’ is having a great time — at the beach, camp, or on vacation – looking like a supermodel and hanging with lots of friends, exacerbating your child’s feelings of being alone and excluded.
When summer loneliness becomes dangerous
Summer loneliness can sometimes trigger summer Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. The symptoms of SAD are more acute, and include insomnia, lack of appetite, weight loss, restlessness and agitation, anxiety, episodes of violent behavior, headaches and migraines, and higher suicide rates. Counseling is often recommended as a primary treatment when SAD presents with more significant symptoms.
At MCC, families often find that a more flexible summer schedule is a good time for kids to start a therapeutic program with one of our counselors, and a regular weekly appointment is also a good way to give kids a bit of structure in the summer months. According to the CDC, suicide remains the second-leading cause of death for teens and young adults in this age group. A child who exhibits more acute signs of depression and who seems unable to cope could be facing a mental health crisis and parents should call 911, or seek help through the National Suicide and Crisis Hotline (dial 988 Suicide Lifeline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.)
Get Creative
Summer loneliness is anxiety-producing for families, but usually can be mitigated by creating a simple daily routine, planning regular, scheduled activities and get-togethers with peers, limiting screen time, and encouraging new hobbies that kids don’t have time for during the busy school year. Vitamin D, which is crucial for the synthesis of serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for stabilizing mood, happiness, and anxiety, is actually recommended for treating SAD. Getting a healthy dose of the outdoors with your kids is a great boredom buster and a natural way to absorb this important vitamin. Maintaining a routine that includes scheduled activities helps kids feel less alone, but be sure to include unstructured time for relaxing after a long school year.
Encourage safe, independent activities. This season provides a great opportunity to teach them how to safely ride a bike, walk to a neighbor’s house, or have a lemonade stand on their own. Such autonomy can allow a kid to feel more control in their day-to-day and encourages adventure!
Take advantage of the people you know. Plan a visit with relatives and far-away friends to ease your child’s loneliness. College and high school students with a special skill might be available to help your child try something they’ve always wanted to learn, whether it’s playing the guitar or perfecting her basketball skills. Older kids might want to volunteer in the community, or get involved in a cause that matters to them. Your kids can be proactive, too, helping you plan some activities to connect with others in person over the summer. If your child is anxious about it, keep it low-key, such as a family meet up at the beach. If you are open to it, consider giving kids a little extra screen time for a weekly zoom call or an online game with a close friend who is out of town. During long ‘boring’ periods, encourage your children to work through feelings of sadness or loneliness through practicing self-care and wellness, such as exercising or meditating, or using their creative energy in journaling or thecreative arts.
Remember to Check In
It’s important to talk to your kids about how they’re feeling, and let them know that you take it seriously and want to help. The hype about summer is just that – it’s normal to have good days and badduring any season. Ask if they’re lonely and miss their friends. Check out organizations that work with kids in your area, and see what types of resources are available during the summer. For LGBTQ+ and other marginalized kids, for instance, schools often provide additional support systems. A summer without them might feel even more isolating to these kids. Help your child find resources they might need during the long summer break.
Whether you are a parent with a case of the ‘Summer Scaries’ or a kid feeling anxious that you’ll be all alone this summer, a little creativity and a lot of great resources in the area should help make the summer blues a lot less difficult to manage.
Resources:
https://www.kidsmentalhealthfoundation.org/about/media-center/press-releases/summer-scaries-survey
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inside-out-outside-in/202507/summertime-loneliness
https://childmind.org/article/strategies-for-a-successful-summer-break/
https://northshorekid.com/events
https://projectbread.org/feeding-kids
Tips to Help Kids with Summer Blues:
- Maintain your schedule and mimic home routines, even when traveling.
- Make it visual – post a schedule or calendar with events marked on it. Remind kids of upcoming events, especially those your family is looking forward to doing.
- Make plans, especially if connecting with friends is difficult for your child. Look into spaces that have drop-in events where your child doesn’t need to know anyone, such as a library or museum or drop-in art space.
- Get outdoors. Create traditions, such as an evening walk, early morning swim, or trip to the driving range.
- Maintain — or create — a behavioral system of expected use of internet, time outside, or summer reading expectations.
- Find support through parent groups, counselors and school/summer school teachers.
- Work with your child’s strengths and interests. Summer is a great time to work on or try something new. College students home on break might be willing to work with your child for a small fee. Ask around if your child likes to idea.
- Do something creative. Journaling, drawing, and building things are great ways to engage your child’s imagination, and can turn into a fun family project.
- Pinpoint your child’s anxieties, ask questions and listen. Brainstorm solutions together.
- Give the child time to adjust, and prepare yourself for some tough times
- Invite people your child cares about for a visit, such as a cousin or a friend living far away.
Gretchen O’Brien is a post-master’s therapist specializing in individual counseling for children, adolescents and adults with various disorders depression, anxiety, ADHD, grief and loss, relational concerns, life-stage transitions, substance use, and trauma. She also works with couples. Haley Hastings is a post-masters mental health counselor with a focus working with children, adolescents, and young adults. She enjoys working with a wide range of diagnoses including depression, anxiety, ADHD, adjustment issues, trauma, stress, relationship and attachment issues, and more.
The Marblehead Counseling Center is open Monday through Friday, 8:30 AM to 5 PM at 66 Clifton Ave in Marblehead, MA 01945.
If you or someone you love could use support, we’re here for you. Book an appointment at marbleheadcounseling.org or call (781) 631-8273.